One of my favourite books. The memoir of Adeline Yen Mah, the least-loved child of a Chinese family during the civil war, considered bad luck as her mother died in childbirth. With a wicked stepmother, a stern and traditional father and siblings all trying to battle their own way through life, her story is one of fear, isolation and humiliation, but ultimately one of hope overcoming adversity.

There is something about the way this woman writes that just grabs your heart and squeezes tight. Her fortitude and determination to remain true to herself, even as a young girl facing gross emotional abuse from those who should be showing her nothing but love, care and kindness, makes you root for her from the outset. It's so different to reading others of this 'type' of memoir; the darkness (mostly) doesn't come from physical actions, and so there might be some who say that she 'doesn't have it as bad', but there is something deeply horrifying about seeing this little girl repeatedly belittled, bullied and brought down for no reason whatsoever, and then just getting back up and dusting herself off with the hope that this time things will be different, even with the full expectation that they won't be. 

And yet, I recognise Adeline. While I have loving parents and a better-than-alright sibling (love him really), there is something in her loneliness that resonated as a kid when I first read this, and somehow still speaks to me today. Her assertion that she finds her escape in books and her imagination, with books giving her hope and her holding "a key in my head which enabled me to enter a magic land" sums up succinctly and perfectly how I experience the world. Sadly, I've also seen what the sort of emotional blackmail, twisted mind games and pitting family members against one another that Adeline goes through can do (though I hasten to add again, I'm fortunate enough to have not been the direct target), which just makes her story and her experiences all the more relatable to me, even with the cultural, familial and time differences. 

The thing is, it becomes so evident just how deeply the constant degrading of her as being worthless and unimportant becomes ingrained into Adeline. It affects not just her relationships with her family, but her romantic relationships, her attitude to marriage and divorce, her work and prospects and her financial security. Even as an adult, she defers without question and jumps at any crumb of praise or positivity thrown her way, even when it's accompanied by major red flags. And yet, she knows she is worth more and keeps pushing despite herself. 

The book also provides you with a potted history of China throughout the 20th Century. I don't know much about the communist revolution or Chinese history, but it is nevertheless a great insight into the changes that took place. More importantly, it's not just a history book; you're nit just regaled with dates, names and places. It intimately shows the effect of the rapid changes in direction on individuals, and the scope of those effects - from Adeline's father and stepmother having easy access to escape routes and ready cash to stay one step ahead, to her Aunt Baba who clings to her home and faces the full force of Communist rule, to her Grand Aunt, deemed a capitalist as the owner of a bank and 'punished' accordingly. It's interesting to read the different political perspectives of people that Adeline interacts with, and her own thoughts on the changes that took place.

On this latest reread however, my perspective was shifted slightly when I actually digested the age of the people at points in the story. For example, it's never struck me before now that Niang (the wicked stepmother) was married to a man a fair number of years older than her, had taken on his five children from his previous marriage and had an additional two children of her own, all at the age of 23. Now, that in no way excuses her controlling and manipulative behaviour in the slightest, but it's the first time I've ever actually acknowledged just how young she herself was. Likewise, while I've always been able to identify there would be cultural differences and different attitudes due to the era this takes place in, this time round it really seemed to stand out just how "long ago" the majority of the events were. It seems strange now to read of a person's surprise that a woman in her 60s might still be going out horseriding, playing tennis and so on, or that a woman over 30 would be deemed a perpetual spinster and a burden on her family. The double standards for men and women throughout are astounding as well. But that's history! All we can do is learn from it. 

This book is by no means an easy read content wise, but the writing and use of Chinese proverbs and sayings to illustrate her points is just beautiful. It will stay with you long after you've finished the last page - I first read this when I was 12, and I'm now in my mid-30s, and it's a book I come back to again and again and again. I've also just learned that the version of this book aimed at a younger audience, 'Chinese Cinderella' (which is just as good a read and focuses more on Adeline's childhood) is on Audible and narrated by the author herself. So that's gone straight onto my wishlist!