Wow. Just wow. It’s not often I’m left this speechless from a book.

I’ve been putting off reviewing this for days because I can't quite articulate my feelings and do this book justice. Even now I’m forcing myself to write this and I still don’t know what to say.

I’d heard the audiobook was good for this one so decided to listen to it instead of reading it. Quite honestly, I think this is that rare occasion where listening is the superior way to consume this book. It is outstanding.

This book is a piece of art. A masterpiece. Nothing less than spectacular. This full-cast audiobook is the best thing I’ve ever listened to. This isn’t just a book, this is an artistic experience that will touch your heart, break your heart, and harrow you to your very core.

Characters
There’s quite a lot of characters, being told in the medium of a podcast and a series of interviews. Like any real true-crime podcast, we meet various characters involved but who aren’t necessarily recurring characters. They tell their story, their small part of a bigger picture, and then they return to their normal lives, never to be seen again, not needed any further in the investigation, like real life.

The full cast narration really brings all these characters to life. The way they narrate their parts is so real, so raw and emotional. Each one of them deserves an award for this joint effort. Expertly done. Can’t praise the narrators enough.

Sadie herself is a very engaging narrator. She has a stutter. I’ve never read a book featuring a character with a stutter and Courtney Summers truly shines a spotlight on this subject. Talking is something we all take for granted, and reading about a character who struggles to get a simple sentence out has opened my eyes to this struggle. The way people look at her or treat her the moment she opens her mouth is heartbreaking. Listening to this book, I felt her pain and her struggle. I didn’t feel pity for her because Sadie never pities herself and rejects the idea of pity from others. She doesn't need pity, she just needs a little longer to say something. I was willing her to succeed, cheering her on in my head, each time she pushed through and continued when she could have easily given up.

The things Sadie had to endure during childhood are a dreadful reality for too many people. But if there’s one thing you need to learn about Sadie it's that she’s not a victim. She’s not revenging herself, she’s revenging her sister. I’ve never read a stronger, more determined character.

Something I’d like to quickly touch upon. The guy who narrated West McCray - fucking hell, he was good. He really brought the podcast to life. He was so believable, every word was a truth, and I was convinced. As I listened to the first chapter, I questioned whether it actually was a non-fiction true-crime podcast, it's that well done.
Despite the subject matter, I was too enthralled throughout to feel emotional during the book. It wasn’t until the very last line, said by West McCray, that the emotion hit me out of nowhere. And it hit me hard and rather unexpectedly.

I can’t take another dead girl.

The feeling in which he says this line, like he himself was about to cry, so touched by the story he’s unfolded for his listeners, it honestly brought me to tears. And then as that swell of beautiful music fills the silence, I just listened, even though the book was over, no more narration, I listened until the very last note of that music.

To be moved to tears by a single line, that’s not just good narration. That’s good writing.

Plot
In short, this book is about a young woman’s struggle to seek justice after her thirteen-year-old sister is murdered. But Sadie knows who killed Mattie, and the justice she seeks is the kind she wants to deliver personally.

The story takes place in two parts. The first is told is podcast format hosted by West McCray, a radio interviewer who’s been tasked with investigating the sudden disappearance of Sadie.

The second part is told from Sadie’s perspective as she hunts down the man who killed her sister.

What I loved about this method of storytelling was how it felt like a desperate contrast. Flashing from Sadie’s raw, anguished hunt, to West’s slightly impersonal narration of his podcast, speaking about Sadie and her story almost as if it’s something that didn’t happen - just a story - is such a striking contrast it hurts.

As the story develops and Sadie’s journey takes weird turns, West becomes more invested, but perhaps never quite enough to make a difference to Sadie. He was always one step behind her and all I wanted was for him to finally catch up, to find Sadie and tell her it was going to be okay and take her home, get her the help she needs to heal her wounds.
Part of me wanted Sadie to succeed in finding Mattie’s killer, yet part of me wanted West to find and stop her, help her in other ways.

Jesus this book. The only way I can think to describe it is the hollow, gory way your chest might look if your heart’s just been ripped out. That’s certainly how it made me feel.

Setting
Sadie’s from a one-horse town called Cold Creek. She’s run away and she’s not coming back.
I’m not sure if any of the towns featured in this book are real places, but the writing really brought them to life. Sadie’s cross country journey to find a murderer took her from wealthy estates where monsters hide in plain sight, to the seediest, darkest corners of carparks in the middle of nowhere. There is nowhere Sadie won’t go, nothing she won’t do to find the killer.
She plucks bravery from thin air, fed by her desire to reach the end of her journey. I admired her.

Her journey isn’t glamorised or glorified. It isn’t depicted as some quest of finding inner peace or learning how to grieve. This is a broken girl who’s lost everything, and she’s very clearly handling it in the only way she knows how; by keeping on the move from place to place, keeping herself distracted with her search, and not allowing herself to think about the devastating events that led her there.

Writing Style
The writing is superb and the dialogue is wonderful. I really don’t know what else I can say about it that won't sound false and contrive. You simply have to read this book to understand how well it's written.

Naming the podcast ‘The Girls’ is meaningful. This book, in many ways, isn’t a fiction. This is a devastating reality for far too many, but not just girls, boys too are subjected to sexual abuse as children. Often it’s someone close to them; a family member or family friend. Someone who is ordinarily trusted with the children.
This book is brutal. It’s the epitome of struggle and it’s painfully true. Too many children’s cries for help go unanswered. Police do nothing, family and friends are blind to the truth. Children aren’t taken seriously for one simple reason: they’re children.

This book is an open wound; raw, unapologetic, and it doesn’t give a fuck if it bleeds truth all over your carpet.

Final Impression
Even though this is now my favourite audiobook, and probably the only way I want to read this book because it was so perfect, I still ordered a hardback copy nonetheless because - fuck me - this thing’s getting pride of place on my shelves.

This book has touched me in a way I haven’t felt before. If I were to try and describe this book to anyone, express my feelings towards it, I would never do it justice - and that is the truest crime of all.

Trigger warnings for sexual abuse and paedophilia.

The Fussy Reader